Time: It's All In Your Head
  • Feature Article


    • All too frequently, we use our past experiences and our projections and beliefs of the future as excuses and barriers to getting what we really want...

    The place of the past and the future
    You're likely familiar with the importance of focusing on the NOW, on the present. The present is your point of power, of choice. And, at the same time, it is also important to learn to relate to the past and future in productive and helpful ways. After all, they're always with you - your past, and your future.

    Use and mis-use
    All too frequently, we use our past experiences and our projections and beliefs of the future as excuses and barriers to getting what we really want. We use them as incontrovertible reasons for playing small in the world. For example, have you ever said or thought any of the following:

    • I've never been any good at ___
    • It's too late for me to ___
    • I'll never be able to ___
    Well, guess what? There they are, your past and your future, stopping you from creating a meaningful life in the now.

    Dwelling in the past
    Your past is a part of you, part of who you are. There is no need to banish it away or deny it, but it is helpful to notice how you relate to it. Nostalgia and regret are often the big culprits here. Living in a constant fog of "everything was so much better back when..." or "if only he / she / I hadn't..." will sure drain your energy in a jiffy.

    For example, maybe you once tried to learn to play the piano, and failed. Does that mean that you'll always be bad at music? All too often we convince ourselves that it is so.

    The past as training ground
    A much more helpful way to relate to your past is as your own personal teacher, your individualized path. Certain events happened, and you related to them in a particular way. None of it actually *means* anything - beyond the meaning you put on it. And - good news! - you get to choose what that is! (see "Attention, Thought Crossing" for more on active choosing).

    So, in our example of the thwarted musician, she may consciously choose to change her thinking. Instead of using her past experience as a reason to never re-visit her musical pursuits, she can instead learn from that experience, and perhaps try a different type of teacher, or method, or way of practicing.

    Fear - a "what if" creation of the future
    Similarly, your future can create barriers. Fear is the major culprit here. Did you ever notice that fear is a construct that can live only in the future? Think about it. Pick something that you have some fear around. For example, a big presentation or test coming up. What you're really afraid of is a future feeling or state of being. Your beliefs and messages get going: "What if I fail? What if I forget what I have to say? What if they laugh at me...." And on and on.

    When the time comes to actually give the presentation, or take the test, you may feel some trepidation, but you'll likely be too much in the moment, in the action, to actually feel fear itself.

    Now, notice how disproportionate the amount of time and energy you use before the event - worrying and living in the "what if?" world - to the duration of the event itself. Sound familiar? This is a great thing to start noticing!

    Take back your power
    So, what's a more useful way to relate to the future? How about: as the source of possibilities. You may not even be able to fully conceptualize at this point what may be possible for you next week, next year, a decade from now. Use the future as a place to dream and set your vision, but let go of the "what if" spiral.

    And, of course, live each moment in the now. Let the past and the future take care of themselves.

    Plant the seeds:

    1. How do you usually relate to the past and the future? Start noticing this in your everyday life.

    2. What has your past, overall, taught you? If you had to summarize the lessons you've learned through your experiences, what would they be?

    3. How do you let your past experiences limit you today?

    4. Start become conscious of when you feel fear. Notice what your thoughts are, and what you're actually afraid of. Is it some variation of the "what if..."spiral?

    5. Notice each time you say or think "...but what if..." - let this be a trigger for you that you're heading in a direction that may not be in your own best interest.

    As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts, comments, and insights. Drop me a line at inna@heyWhatsNext.com.

    © Inna Nirenburg